The Price You Pay

When I was in 7th grade, I remember my teacher Mrs. Borton requested a meeting with my parents one night. As I’m freaking out because I think I’m about to get in trouble, my parents were pretty cool on the ride home, not yelling, didn’t seem angry, just normal. It was strange. Usually you only get special parent teacher conferences in catholic schools if you were being, for a lack of better words, a degenerate. ( which i admittedly had been on a few occasions )

When we got home, I remember the conversation to this day, although it didn’t make sense at the time, it has hit very closely to home in numerous occasions in my life. They sat me down, and basically said something along the lines of “Patrick, so we need you to settle down and listen to us. You have a very strong presence in everything that you do, everywhere you go, and with everyone you meet, people draw towards you or shy away depending on your state of mind at that time. You set the tone when you walk into a room. When you walk into class, other kids whether they realize it or not, look to you as a “leader” and will follow what you do good and bad. So you have to always remember to be a good boy and do the right thing.” As i sit there and have absolutely NO idea where this is coming from or how significant this would end up becoming later in life, I say “ok” and that i’ll “try harder to be a good boy” so that i can go outside and play.


Fast forward to high school days and beyond, I began to look at it in a different sense. While to the outside world, i looked to be a strong, prominent presence, when i looked at myself i saw a shy kid that avoided confrontation and conversation with people due to lack of confidence.

Freshmen year i was introduced to weight lifting and fell in love with the “grind”. It worked for me, i got very big, very fast and this only magnified my presence to other people. Everyone knew who i was whether they liked me or not was a separate conversation in itself, but you can be damn sure i was respecte. I was known as the guy that you don’t want to fuck with. Now i didn’t purposely ask for this title because it did have a lot responsibility, a lot of negativity followed it, but it had it’s perks here and there. Regardless, i never viewed myself to be of any significant status or some higher being of the sort.

I’m nearly 250lbs, relativity jacked, although not so tan, with a full beard, full sleeve of tattoo, and a strength level that is higher than 99% of the planet. Basically, if you don’t know me personally and we aren’t close, I can easily come off (just by the way i look and my facial expressions) as a complete fucking degenerate asshole. This shit has followed me every where i go and in everything i do. I am stereotyped the minute i walk into any door of any place. I used to really appreciate the respect it came with, i never got fucked with, i never had to worry about getting into parties in high school and college, i never had to worry about girls, sports, nothing. I just kinda went about my business and used this unintentionally given, persona to my advantage when i needed to.


As i’ve gotten older, a tad bit wiser, and maybe a little fatter/uglier, i’ve been trying to, for a lack of better words, shine through my skin and shy away from that appearance. And while I will never submit myself to become a beta, i want to be respected for the person that i am and the soul that i possess rather than what look like and what i’ve done in the past.


Just recently i started a new job. Everything was going great for the first 2 months or so, and then we made a switch in positions within the company that left me basically doing 2-3 jobs in one with little experience and no compensation of pay. This didn’t bother me as much as it should have because at the end of the day, i still need a job and the wage i’m currently at is good enough to suffice for the time being. Never the less, we are in our busiest season and i’m running around like crazy doing logisitics and customer service (the only person in the entire company that is doing either) for this place, trying to explain to every customer why they are getting shorted certain products due to things that are out of my control (i.e. Production Equipment malfunctions, etc.). What i’m getting at is that i’ve been stressed the fuck out beyond belief. Every single day i’m exhausted trying to juggle the home life, work life, and powerlifting. Trying to find that balance that is enough to excel at all three and i just haven’t been able to crack that code yet. So going back to my presence and the way i look, people have been presumptivly going around to upper management essentially saying that i have a terrible attitude and that they want me out. Well i have news for you fuckers. I come in to work every single day, early and leave late. I do way more work than what my title calls for and way more work than i’m getting paid to do, but i’m doing it VERY WELL, might i add. I will absolutely not succumb to the spoiled, jealous, infantile actions of certain individuals at work, or anywhere for that matter who feel threatened of my strong presence, title, or appearance…

             The price you pay to be an Alpha in this world is that beta fucks will always feel threatened by you no matter how you act or what you do. They will find any chance they get to try and find a compromise in your integrity or a weakness in your structure and feed off of it like leeches…I will leave it at this:

Under NO circumstance should you EVER submit to a beta human. Accept and understand your alpha masculinity and let others feel it. Never become someone you’re not for people who don’t understand it or envy it. Be yourself, work your ass off, do the right thing, trust instincts, hold yourself accountable, love hard, laugh often, be strong, and never lose sight of the values that you built your foundation upon! Follow these things every day, the rest of the bullshit will sort itself out.

As for the betas, fuck them, they are betas..irrelevant and soon to be forgotten.

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